Think back to when you felt happiest in your life.  Now try and remember when you felt the least happy.  It shouldn’t be difficult considering what most of us have had to endure this past year and a half.  Times have been tough all over and if you haven’t lost your job, you might have lost your house.  If you didn’t lose your house, your friend might be hanging on to hers.  You might have a parent struggling with the recent Medicare restructuring.  Whatever the woe, chances are, you’re feeling the strain.

A recent New York Times article suggests that we feel most miserable when we think the proverbial axe might fall – not when we know for sure it’s coming down.  When we feel that doom is looming we tend succumb most to stresses and frustrations.  The power of “what if,” usurps the power of “right now.”

This makes sense to me.  In relationships, it’s often that stomach-churning few weeks or months when we sense our partner pulling away – or maybe it’s you that’s doing the pulling – that is almost worse than the actual, inevitable breakup.  At the office – as I’m sure countless people can attest to these days – it’s the hovering cloud of disaster that makes each day stretch out endlessly.  Will it happen today? Will I lose my job?  What will I do?  How can this happen to me?  I am certain that I’ll end up cold, alone and homeless eating out the dumpster….. And so on.

In fact, when we actually receive bad news, we deal with it. Ta da! It’s here and it’s not going away.  So we ruminate, make some tough decisions and then come up with a plan.  It’s not easy.  It’s not fun.  But it gets done.

So consider this the next time you find yourself in a constant state of anxiety.  Are you worrying yourself sick over the possibility of what’s to come?  Are you ruining the now with your fear of the future?  If so, come up with your own Plan B – your go-to guide for when the bad news hits.  If your biggest fear is that you’ll lose your job in the coming weeks or months, start saving your money and emailing those former co-workers.  Get out and network a little more than you normally would.  Lay groundwork so that if you get caught in the storm, at least you’ll be wearing boots.

The same goes for your personal relationships.  If your sensing something is off with your partner or loved one, get your ducks in a row before making any dramatic proclamations.  Think about the terms of the deal – while you have a chance to do so privately, in your own head.   This way, you can sort out your feelings and tackle some practical issues before it becomes a real-life, two-way conversation. 

It’s been a while, but I remember using this plan of attack when I was in college and feeling overwhelmed was a daily occurrence.  While other kids were busy throwing up in the bushes after a long night of partying, I worried about keeping my scholarship, and prayed continuously that my Ford Escort would make it through the end of the month.  While falling in to bed at 2am, I would think, “what if I fail tomorrow’s final?”  “What if my car dies and I can’t drive to work? Then, what?”  I could see my whole life unfolding into a series of failed attempts, missed opportunities, dead ends.  A little dramatic? Ok, sue me. 

But how many of us do that now?  Let a bump in the road become a cavernous ditch?  My younger self would come up with little disaster action plans – Who could I carpool with?  How could I ask the teacher for some make-up work?  Maybe I could send out just one more resume…..

These little late-night musings helped.  Sure it kept me up an extra hour, but when you’re obsessing over failure, an hour is merely a blip on the insomnia screen.   In the morning, things would look brighter because at least I HAD A PLAN.  Ultimately, I never needed to put my whole plan into action all at once, but I definitely borrowed from it here and there.  When I felt I was heading off course,  I’d just pop on a training wheel and keep on pedaling.

If you have found yourself in a constant state of worry about either a) or b), see if you can give yourself a boost by imagining the worst.  That’s right, go ahead.  Imagine your worst case scenario, lay it out before you and attempt to solve it before it ever even happens.  There’s a saying, “what you fear, will appear.”  So what if we negate the fear by confronting it head on.  By coming up with a solution before the problem truly exists, you’re effectively cutting it off at the knees.  We can’t control what happens to us, but with a little foresight we can control our reaction to it.  It’s a win/win.