She’s baaaack.

It’s Tiffany.  Fresh from a winter break-up and ready to spill the beans.

*Confessions of a Vulnerable Woman*

I have a confession to make. I haven’t been acting very Tiffany-like the last few months. In fact, I did the exact opposite of what I professed to do here. The exact opposite of what I promised the moment I bought that Tiffany jewelry several months ago.

I met a man. And I let him hurt me.

He was smart enough, witty enough, successful enough and tall enough. He was HANDSOME. He said all the right things. We had a zillion common interests. And we connected instantly.

Ironically, and after a 4-hour dinner, we decided to go back to the scene of the crime – the place where my first post-divorce date told me he wanted to be able to have sex with me and leave at any time.

Ironically, this is where I fell for him.

I’ll be honest: I was blind. He said from the beginning that he didn’t have the “time” for a relationship. His job and his son were his priorities, which I can completely relate to. He kept telling me that I’d be in a very different place in one year, and that he was put in my life here, now, to serve a purpose.

I didn’t really understand what he meant by all that, I suppose. So I accepted seeing him only occasionally. And I accepted that I didn’t have his phone number. Never went to his house. And we corresponded only via email.

But when we were together? It was intense. Intensity I’d never felt before – or maybe just not in years. Intensity that said to me that he’d drop whatever he was doing – job and child aside – for me. Intensity that said he missed me (which he also said verbally) and wanted to be with me. And oh…passion.

But the unsettled feeling in the pit of my stomach kept bugging me and one night after too much wine I asked the question. And I got the answer.

“It’s not serious with her.”

So what was I? We talked about it for hours.

“You are amazing. Wonderful. Important. Fun. You are a great date. We are lovers,” he said. The bottom line is that I was all that was missing from his relationship. I filled in a lot of blanks – and it was perfect.

Perfect for him. So I ended it two days later, thanks to pressure from a couple good friends. Thinking back, he was pretty honest from the beginning that he didn’t want a relationship. As things progressed, our connection grew deeper and the relationship intensified, so I started to believe that maybe that had changed. But then he’d say, “We’re not in a place where we could hurt each other.” It was all right there in front of me. Yet I chose to ignore it because I really fell for him hard. But, ultimately I had a hard time accepting that I was filling in for the inadequacies of someone else’s relationship.

I’ve since been told that I should have rolled with it - that he was really good for me on many levels, and that a “transitional”or “fill-in” relationship is what I really need right now. I’ve been asked to consider that sort of relationship with others.  Apparently, it’s common for people to get involved with each other to fill time, as a placebo for a real committed relationship, to make up for what’s missing in their current relationship.  And it really, really works for some people.

“Don’t hurt me, and I won’t hurt you,” he’d say. But in this sort of transitional relationship – any relationship, really – doesn’t someone always get hurt? Or is it that this “transitional relationship” thing is just not for me or not for me right now? Is it that I’m too vulnerable (it’s tattooed on my forehead)? Care too much? Am missing out on a good thing? Is it possible to throw up an emotional wall and go for it?

What say you?

One final thing: Maybe it wasn’t so much that I let him hurt me. Maybe I let me hurt me. And maybe the guy in my first post wasn’t so bad after all. At least he was brutally honest.

Tiger Woods and Family

I’m going to admit this story snuck up on me.  First, I heard that ol’ Tiger had crashed his car into a tree near his home.  Then, the reports were that he had gone to the hospital for treatment of his vague wounds.  Finally, the hospital released a statement saying that no alcohol or drugs had been found in his system, this was an “accident,”  and he had been released.  End of story.

So I stopped paying attention.  The guy barely registers on my radar anyway, so zzzzzzzz.

But then, my friend sends me an email saying “I freaking love this!” with a link to one of many stories that would come out over the next few days insinuating that the golfer had an affair(s) and his supermodel wife had beat the crap out of him with one of his own golf clubs (an ironic twist, by the way, that makes me downright giddy).  If you happen to have been living under a rock (or been in a turkey-induced coma) this past week, check out this recap from the Orlando Sentinel.

And so it began.  Ridiculous coverage of these two - apparently having duked it out the old-fashioned way, but not releasing any statements to the media.  Oh wait, Tiger did say this:

“I have let my family down and I regret those transgressions with all of my heart. I have not been true to my values and the behavior my family deserves,” Woods wrote. “I am dealing with my behavior and personal failings behind closed doors with my family.”

Oh, the sorrow. The regret.  Cut to: the huge diamond that will inevitably show up on her hand; the “Kobe Special” as I’ve heard it referred to over the past few days.

Here’s what I don’t get…

Why - for the love of God - do women put themselves in these situations by marrying professional athletes?  Even in a sport as lame as golf, and a guy as unattractive (sorry) as Tiger Woods, THEY WILL STILL CHEAT.  ALWAYS.  CONSTANTLY.  WITH ANYTHING.  EVEN STRIPPERS.

So ladies, please, don’t go down this road.  If you have the opportunity to date an athlete and think it sounds exciting, I guess go for it?  I’m not sure why this would be remotely appealing, but hey, different strokes.  However, don’t marry the guy.  No matter what your friends/relatives tell you, this is not a good idea.

Unless of course, you feel like getting a deadly STD (Magic Johnson), stabbed in your front walkway (OJ Simpson), embroiled in a rape scandal (Kobe Bryant), embroiled in a steroid scandal (uh, everyone), participating in a dog fighting ring (Michael Vick), caught in a love triangle (that other football player who was shot dead in Nashville earlier this year at his girlfriend’s house), and so on and so on.

Not to mention that an athlete’s career ends relatively quickly and that well dries up pretty fast.  Especially when your driveway is filled with extra-large custom cars and your basement’s got a bowling alley.  (If you’re purely interested in money, there are smarter roads to take, but that’s a whole, other subject).  I don’t believe every, single athlete is a world of hurt waiting to happen, but the odds are pretty good.  So why, as women, do we play a bad hand each and every time?  Has anyone ever rejected an athlete’s advances?  Said, “thanks, but no, thanks?”  What is the big attraction here?

Anyone have Elizabeth Hasselbeck’s number?  *kidding*

Okay, so remember a few weeks ago when I introduced  you (via guest post) to my friend Tiffany?  The one who wrote about the dangers of men creating fake profiles for online dating sites?  Well, she’s back.  And this time, she’s got more gossip; particularly about one of her “matches,” who is attempting to drain her bank account before even taking her out for dinner!  Just when you think you’ve heard it all - you haven’t. Check this out…..

I awoke one morning last week to a gift. The gift of all gifts. Well, a gift not as good as some more Tiffany jewelry but who’s comparing?

Anyway, the gift came in my email inbox.

The subject line: “Something Important.”

The Sender: Daniel Houston, who I’d met on an online dating site about five months earlier. Even then, his profile seemed fishy to me. I ignored it. He eventually went away.  Then, just last week, he reappeared:

Hello honey,

It’s been a while. Where have you been. How are you doing? I got good news. I am writing you at this time because of there is something important I need to discuss with you and I really need you at this time because I believe this is the best way we can see each other real soon so I will really want you to work on what I have to discuss with you at this time.

Now that’s enough to get a lonely, desperate woman all worked up, no? I mean a man who “really needs me?” And we can “see each other?”

Not enough? Fine.

Then came this:

I spoke with my mom and she told me about the inheritance my dad left for me and she said this is the best time I need to claim my inheritance since her health is deteriorating and she then gave me the last will and testament my dad gave out to me in my name. According to the WILL, my dad left me a large sum of money which is in total of US$10,000,000.00 and according to the WILL, I cannot claim the inheritance unless I am married or at least engaged.

Wait for it - OMG HE’S GOING TO PROPOSE!

So I am writing you now so I can be able to claim my inheritance and since we both have so many things in common and we are both working out on things, I want you at this time so I can be able to claim the inheritance so you will need to write to the bank which is HSBC Bank, London explaining to them that you are my fiance and after that, I will send to you the Last Will and Testament for confirmation.

I will wait to hear from you soonest.

Thinking of you
Daniel

And for the last five months, as he’s been working on a contract in AFRICA he’s been thinking about me?

*SQUEEEE!*

Yeah. Really? So I write back telling him how happy I am to hear that he is still into me and asking for a contact person at the bank. You know – so I can expedite the process, so that we can be together at last. Oh and so I can get my share of the ten million bucks. Of course I threw in some sappy “I can’t wait to meet you” language for good measure.

He gave me the following contact information:

CONTACT PERSON:
MR. KELVIN LAMBERT.
MANAGER AUDIT DEPT (HSBC)
kelvinlambert@e-hsbcbank.com
kelvinlambert001@yahoo.com
TEL: +44-790-949-9584.
TEL: +44 207 060 1827.
FAX: +44-20-7060-0564.

My instructions were to e-mail Mr. Lambert informing him that I was in fact Dan Houston’s wife.

I gushed (and puked). I asked him where I could call him once I’d called the bank, so we could plan our time together. But alas, I was not to have his phone number. Not till I called the bank. No, this charmer wouldn’t give his one and only love his phone number until she called the bank.

He also sent me a death certificate and other odd things.

I thought about calling or emailing to see what happens. But I leave that to *you* dear readers. And I hope you will report back. ((can’t wait.))

Next up: I will share with you the email that I sent to the dating site where I met this scam artist, Singleparentmeet.com.

The saga continues…

Imagine going on a blind date only to have the whole thing blow up in your face in a matter of minutes?  Most of us have limited expectations for these things anyway, but I think this recent story sets a new record for the torpedoed mission.  For those of us who have ventured into the world of online dating, this woman’s tale may not come as a surprise, but if you’re new to the experience, or have had your own share of doozies you found completely ridiculous, you might want to read the following…..

“The minute he walked into the bar, I knew it wouldn’t last.

“I’m no stranger to dating. At 35, I’ve been on more dates than I can recall – blind, or otherwise. The truth is: most of them can’t beat a good bottle of wine, buttered popcorn and a John Hughes flick.

“I’ve joined dating services, paid my dues for their ridiculous ‘match’ fees, and dolled myself up for a night of misery. Ok, they weren’t all bad, but let’s just say my ‘matches’ haven’t really matched that well. After a rather unfortunate encounter two years ago with a blind date (set up by one online dating service) I swore off online dating altogether. He was NOT 35, he was NOT tall and he was most definitely NOT interesting. He was an old man looking for a good time and posted a fake photo, fake profile, fake everything. It was a disastrous evening and I threw in the towel. It’s just not worth it, I said to myself.

“I’m a believer in the theory: when it happens it happens. I don’t rush love and I don’t expect love to come trotting down my street on a white horse. But, I can admit that once in a while I get lonely. As a travel writer I trot the globe and my favorite part is meeting new people. This year, as I boarded another plane to another country to another hotel, I thought it might be nice to bring along someone special on these trips. Maybe? So I took the plunge… again… and joined an online dating site. So far, so bad.

To read what happens, continue here.

I am thrilled to announce that the kick-off to National Singles Week begins here on That Happened to Me. Our guest blogger is Kimberly Neumann, actress and author of The Real Reasons Men Commit. The title of that book alone made me suspect that she had her fair share of dating (horror) stories and it seems I was right. Her post about dating the ex of a famous Hollywood actress brings up a good point - have you ever been intimidated by a new love interest’s ex? The subject of ex-girlfriends is always a sticky one, but when they are gorgeous, successful, or a genius to boot, it can make things especially tough as you can feel instantly compared. Forget about the fact that that they might have been a lunatic or a commitment-phobe, they used to be an underwear model!  How will you measure up?

Kimberly got a first-hand look as to why a person cannot be judged by their ex alone.

I Dated Mr. Ex-of-a-Hollywood Starlet

“He’s really cute, tall, fit and so your type I think,” cooed my PR friend Heidi* into my cell phone.  “I just had lunch with him and showed him your photo and he said, ‘Give me her number.’”

Relationship Expert Kimberly Neumann

“You should go out with him!”

I sighed on the other end of the phone. It’d been just over a year since my breakup-of-the-century with the tall, dark European man I’d thought was “the one,” who had instead obliterated my heart, and I was trying - really trying - to put myself out there again. “Okay,” I said “I trust you but what else do I need to know?”

“Oh, well, he also used to date a really famous Hollywood starlet and you kind of look like her,” said Heidi.

“That’s a little weird isn’t it?” I said, but she assured me it wasn’t. I hung up wondering what I had agreed to.

Well, later when HE called - let’s call him Mr. Ex-of-Starlet – we had a great, funny conversation on the phone. I was pleasantly surprised with the witty banter and not at all threatened (though by then I’d Googled him and found out just WHO the Hollywood ex was). Being that I’m also a Broadway performer in addition to a dating/relationship writer, I’m rarely star-struck because I work with people like that all the time and realize they’re just like me…they just got a break in the business that pushed them into a higher earning bracket. So, the fact that this dude had dated someone infinitely more famous than I didn’t bother me in the slightest. We made plans to meet for dinner in a couple days and I was surprised when I actually found myself looking forward to it. Maybe there was hope for my dating life after all.

A few flirty texts and funny emails later, I found myself at a cool Mexican restaurant face-to-face with someone who could possibly have been my type. For some reason I had dated predominately foreign men in the past, but this All-American guy was sort of appealing to me. He was a little bit hippy, a little bit jock and definitely tall (I don’t know why…I am barely 5’4 ½” but I have ALWAYS dated tall!!!!). We had a fun dinner and I managed to easily propel us into conversation (though in all honesty, I can usually get anyone to talk…I’m pretty chatty). Dinner led to another drink which led to some serious games of tennis and bowling on his Wii at his apartment. Oh, and some lovely kissing.

It was a good first date and I left looking forward to the next time I’d see him. Not once had it crossed my mind that this man had also kissed someone REALLY famous for a couple years. I was more interested in how he and I meshed.

But wow…did it ever cross my friends’ minds! “How can you go out with someone like that? Don’t you find yourself feeling insecure? I mean, wow…he dated HER.” Hmmm…should I feel insecure? My friends seemed more concerned about any of this than I did. However, their constant questioning did make me start to wonder. Should I have been thinking about that? I was hardly in US Weekly and was pretty sure I never would be, but I didn’t think that took away from my being a fun date for someone!
“Don’t worry, she’s gorgeous but you’re way smarter” said one of my friends. Ummmm…WHAT? I think there was a compliment in there somewhere but I’m not sure.

Anyway, I know I have a lot to bring to the table so I still wasn’t at all threatened. But I was left to ponder why my friends would plant these ideas in my head. That said, date #2 was air hockey (I annihilated him which he did not like) and cocktails and I was starting to think maybe I could have fun with this person.

By date #3, there seemed like there might actually be potential. I saw that in groups he put on this “I’m super cool” persona, but when we were together I cut through it and managed to get some real conversation out of him. Unfortunately, the “I’m on and this is how I greet my public” persona took over and the guy I saw glimpses of soon became shrouded in “scene” behavior.

The clincher on this relationship happened on my birthday. I had planned a classy soiree with a bunch of my friends and invited Mr. Ex-of-Starlet. He accepted. I was pleased. But then, he showed up with two rather socially inept friends in tow, acted like he was at a Frat party the whole night and made out with his Blackberry instead of me the entire time. When I asked him what he was doing later he actually said, “I’ll help you carry your sh&% home but then I think I want to get drunk.” Ummm…we were at a bar if he’d wanted to get drunk and the excrement to which he referred were all the wonderful birthday presents I’d received from friends when he hadn’t even managed to bring me a card or offer to buy me a birthday drink. It was crystal clear to me at that moment that this was not a match made in heaven. And if that was how he’d treated the “star” before me…I had no doubt why that relationship ended either. I told him to go home and we never spoke again.

Months later I was at a posh social club having an early dinner with a friend of mine when I heard an “Oh, hey…how are you doing?” from a couple seats over. Yup, it was Mr. Ex-of-Starlet. I knew we were both members of that club but that was the first time I’d seen him there. I stayed cool (and fortunately knew I looked REALLY cute that day), asked him about his business and he asked me about my recently published book. We had a nice conversation and for a moment I saw a glimpse of the man with whom I had thought there might be potential but then a minute passed and I heard him yell to a buddy, “Yeah, and this is the point where all the chicks start taking their tops off.” I guess you can take the Hollywood starlet from the boy, but you can’t stop the boy from acting like a Hollywood partier?

I smiled, confident that I would find someone much classier than Mr. Ex-of-Starlet. Perhaps I should go back to my penchant for European men. Actually, did you see my article on Antonio Sabato Jr. on
AOL (http://www.lemondrop.com/2009/09/14/dreaming-of-my-antonio/)? After interviewing him, maybe I need to skip dating the EXES of famous people and just go for Mr. Famous himself. Because I know for a fact, he’d look better in his Calvins!

But I’m sure my friends would have a field day with that one too. A better bet? Finding someone that thinks I’m HIS star. Yeah, I’m gonna hold out for that.

Kimberly Dawn Neumann is a popular New York City dating/relationship writer and author of The Real Reasons Men Commit: Why He Will – Or Won’t – Love, Honor and Marry You and Sex Comes First: 15 Ways to Save Your Relationship – Without Leaving Your Bedroom. A Broadway performer in addition to being a writer, she has appeared on the Great White Way in such shows as A Chorus Line, Ragtime and Annie Get Your Gun. She is frequently called “The Carrie Bradshaw of Broadway” owing to her two careers. For more: www.KDNeumann.com.

*name changed for privacy purposes