I was with a guy for about five years… I thought he was the best thing ever to have happened to me. He was in the military and took care of me. I turned into a housewife since I didn't need to work, although I would occasionally work seasonal positions at a local call center. Halfway through the relationship I found out he cheated on me. It was chalked up to a moment of weakness, and I was dumb enough to believe it. Next thing I knew, cheating was his new hobby. I was afraid to leave him because I thought if I left, he would find someone else when he was ready to settle down. So I stuck out the pain for another couple years. Eventually I said I couldn't take it anymore, and he moved in with a girl I considered a friend at one time but had had a falling out with. Next thing I knew they were getting married and I was left alone to wallow in not only my pain, but the feelings of stupidity and how I could have let myself become “that” girl. You know the girl I am talking about- the doormat, the one who pretends it's all ok, the one who completely loses herself because she is not the most important person in her own life.

It has been several years and I have been unable to find another relationship. At first I tried to go back to who I was before we met, thinking that would help me find someone special. Then I tried to reinvent myself but that just put me around the wrong people. Finally I gave in to try and just figure out who I am now. I went back to college and am about to finish my second Associate's degree. I have done everything right to get on with my life but still cannot find someone to connect with. I am not into one night stands or “bed buddies”, and those seem to be the only options I find around my town. I even tried online dating, but just couldn't afford it (and the free sites connect you to wierdos!).

I feel so lost at this point in my life. I thought the hardest part would be getting over the guy. As it turns out, the hardest part is trying to find someone better.

I think LuckyChica's advice was on the right track.  I'd also add that while continuing to focus on yourself, don't forget to make connections with women who have similar interests to your own.  Sounds like you were burned by your women friends, too, but there are some real good “girlfriends” out there.  You'll find them as you expand you circle while doing the things that interest you.  Keep moving forward to improve your life - and good luck!

Thanks for the replies! I agree that I need to expand,  and I hope that being more active in school (I'll be working there for the next two semesters while also attending) will help me. As far as female friends go, I have the most amazing best friend, but we live in totally opposite sides of the country. We talk when we have time, but it's harder when we both have full lives. Other than that, I have a couple female friends but we were never close during the relationship. We try to spend time when we can, but they both have kids so it's been a bit slower with school starting. I actually recommended to one that she visit this site. She is going through a nasty divorce that caught her by complete surprise.