I am thrilled to announce that the kick-off to National Singles Week begins here on That Happened to Me. Our guest blogger is Kimberly Neumann, actress and author of The Real Reasons Men Commit. The title of that book alone made me suspect that she had her fair share of dating (horror) stories and it seems I was right. Her post about dating the ex of a famous Hollywood actress brings up a good point - have you ever been intimidated by a new love interest’s ex? The subject of ex-girlfriends is always a sticky one, but when they are gorgeous, successful, or a genius to boot, it can make things especially tough as you can feel instantly compared. Forget about the fact that that they might have been a lunatic or a commitment-phobe, they used to be an underwear model! How will you measure up?
Kimberly got a first-hand look as to why a person cannot be judged by their ex alone.
I Dated Mr. Ex-of-a-Hollywood Starlet
“He’s really cute, tall, fit and so your type I think,” cooed my PR friend Heidi* into my cell phone. “I just had lunch with him and showed him your photo and he said, ‘Give me her number.’”
Relationship Expert Kimberly Neumann
“You should go out with him!”
I sighed on the other end of the phone. It’d been just over a year since my breakup-of-the-century with the tall, dark European man I’d thought was “the one,” who had instead obliterated my heart, and I was trying - really trying - to put myself out there again. “Okay,” I said “I trust you but what else do I need to know?”
“Oh, well, he also used to date a really famous Hollywood starlet and you kind of look like her,” said Heidi.
“That’s a little weird isn’t it?” I said, but she assured me it wasn’t. I hung up wondering what I had agreed to.
Well, later when HE called - let’s call him Mr. Ex-of-Starlet – we had a great, funny conversation on the phone. I was pleasantly surprised with the witty banter and not at all threatened (though by then I’d Googled him and found out just WHO the Hollywood ex was). Being that I’m also a Broadway performer in addition to a dating/relationship writer, I’m rarely star-struck because I work with people like that all the time and realize they’re just like me…they just got a break in the business that pushed them into a higher earning bracket. So, the fact that this dude had dated someone infinitely more famous than I didn’t bother me in the slightest. We made plans to meet for dinner in a couple days and I was surprised when I actually found myself looking forward to it. Maybe there was hope for my dating life after all.
A few flirty texts and funny emails later, I found myself at a cool Mexican restaurant face-to-face with someone who could possibly have been my type. For some reason I had dated predominately foreign men in the past, but this All-American guy was sort of appealing to me. He was a little bit hippy, a little bit jock and definitely tall (I don’t know why…I am barely 5’4 ½” but I have ALWAYS dated tall!!!!). We had a fun dinner and I managed to easily propel us into conversation (though in all honesty, I can usually get anyone to talk…I’m pretty chatty). Dinner led to another drink which led to some serious games of tennis and bowling on his Wii at his apartment. Oh, and some lovely kissing.
It was a good first date and I left looking forward to the next time I’d see him. Not once had it crossed my mind that this man had also kissed someone REALLY famous for a couple years. I was more interested in how he and I meshed.
But wow…did it ever cross my friends’ minds! “How can you go out with someone like that? Don’t you find yourself feeling insecure? I mean, wow…he dated HER.” Hmmm…should I feel insecure? My friends seemed more concerned about any of this than I did. However, their constant questioning did make me start to wonder. Should I have been thinking about that? I was hardly in US Weekly and was pretty sure I never would be, but I didn’t think that took away from my being a fun date for someone!
“Don’t worry, she’s gorgeous but you’re way smarter” said one of my friends. Ummmm…WHAT? I think there was a compliment in there somewhere but I’m not sure.
Anyway, I know I have a lot to bring to the table so I still wasn’t at all threatened. But I was left to ponder why my friends would plant these ideas in my head. That said, date #2 was air hockey (I annihilated him which he did not like) and cocktails and I was starting to think maybe I could have fun with this person.
By date #3, there seemed like there might actually be potential. I saw that in groups he put on this “I’m super cool” persona, but when we were together I cut through it and managed to get some real conversation out of him. Unfortunately, the “I’m on and this is how I greet my public” persona took over and the guy I saw glimpses of soon became shrouded in “scene” behavior.
The clincher on this relationship happened on my birthday. I had planned a classy soiree with a bunch of my friends and invited Mr. Ex-of-Starlet. He accepted. I was pleased. But then, he showed up with two rather socially inept friends in tow, acted like he was at a Frat party the whole night and made out with his Blackberry instead of me the entire time. When I asked him what he was doing later he actually said, “I’ll help you carry your sh&% home but then I think I want to get drunk.” Ummm…we were at a bar if he’d wanted to get drunk and the excrement to which he referred were all the wonderful birthday presents I’d received from friends when he hadn’t even managed to bring me a card or offer to buy me a birthday drink. It was crystal clear to me at that moment that this was not a match made in heaven. And if that was how he’d treated the “star” before me…I had no doubt why that relationship ended either. I told him to go home and we never spoke again.
Months later I was at a posh social club having an early dinner with a friend of mine when I heard an “Oh, hey…how are you doing?” from a couple seats over. Yup, it was Mr. Ex-of-Starlet. I knew we were both members of that club but that was the first time I’d seen him there. I stayed cool (and fortunately knew I looked REALLY cute that day), asked him about his business and he asked me about my recently published book. We had a nice conversation and for a moment I saw a glimpse of the man with whom I had thought there might be potential but then a minute passed and I heard him yell to a buddy, “Yeah, and this is the point where all the chicks start taking their tops off.” I guess you can take the Hollywood starlet from the boy, but you can’t stop the boy from acting like a Hollywood partier?
I smiled, confident that I would find someone much classier than Mr. Ex-of-Starlet. Perhaps I should go back to my penchant for European men. Actually, did you see my article on Antonio Sabato Jr. on
AOL (http://www.lemondrop.com/2009/09/14/dreaming-of-my-antonio/)? After interviewing him, maybe I need to skip dating the EXES of famous people and just go for Mr. Famous himself. Because I know for a fact, he’d look better in his Calvins!
But I’m sure my friends would have a field day with that one too. A better bet? Finding someone that thinks I’m HIS star. Yeah, I’m gonna hold out for that.
Kimberly Dawn Neumann is a popular New York City dating/relationship writer and author of The Real Reasons Men Commit: Why He Will – Or Won’t – Love, Honor and Marry You and Sex Comes First: 15 Ways to Save Your Relationship – Without Leaving Your Bedroom. A Broadway performer in addition to being a writer, she has appeared on the Great White Way in such shows as A Chorus Line, Ragtime and Annie Get Your Gun. She is frequently called “The Carrie Bradshaw of Broadway” owing to her two careers. For more: www.KDNeumann.com.
*name changed for privacy purposes
