I am very excited today to post this entry from a Very Good Friend of ours here at THTM.  She is a fabulous single, professional woman, fresh out of a divorce and ready to explore her new life.  However, she just got her first taste of dating as a more mature woman, and as she was regaling me with this story one night over drinks, I just knew I had to share with the

class.  So I asked if she would put her story in writing, and lo and behold, I present to you…:

I’m Tiffany, Bitch

“The other day I did something I’d never done before. I went to Tiffany and bought a piece of silver jewelry. I’ve never been one to obsess over a brand name – I drive a practical car and don’t need to have Prada shoes. So the Tiffany purchase was a bit off-routine for me. But it had a great deal of purpose.

I recently passed the one-year anniversary of my divorce, and decided that it was time to stop hiding and start dating. A wise friend told me that as I start dating, I should keep in mind that I’m Tiffany – not Target.  This is true. Despite what many people (men) might think, I’m not desperate because I’m a divorced mom who’s over 40. I’ve come to terms with my life as it stands. And, while I’d much prefer to not be alone forever, I’d rather be alone than in the wrong situation. Which explains the Tiffany jewelry: I know I’m far more valuable than what some men might think.

Exhibit A: my first date since the divorce. He wasn’t at all what I’d typically identify as my ideal date. Not tall enough, old enough, funny enough, successful enough or confident enough. Never been married and no kids, so relating on that level would be tough. But hey – he came highly recommended and was different from anyone I’d dated before. So I thought – let’s give this a try.

He did all the right things leading up to the date. So I’ll admit I was pleasantly surprised and maybe a little bit hopeful as date-day approached. And as we sat down at the local bar for a couple of drinks and conversation, I was open to the idea that perhaps despite my preconceptions, there could potentially be something here.

UNTIL the date changed - over a span of ten minutes. In that time he…

Went outside and smoked a cigarette (though I’m a loud non-smoker)

Came back into the bar, grabbed me and stuck his (cigarette-tasting) tongue in my mouth.

Told me he wanted to see me naked.

Asked me what my expectations were.

And told me he wanted a “friends with benefits” relationship where he could get sex but walk away at any moment. (The plus: I could walk away whenever, too.)

“I’ve dated divorced women with kids before. I just don’t want you to expect anything from me.”

I threw my head back, hands on breasts, and said “Oh, you’re not going to see these.”

His head snapped back in shock. (And probably disappointment because yes, I’m stacked.)

After a pretty humorous conversation where I laughed heartily (though in a friendly way), he dutifully drove me home and asked me to re-consider his “offer.” I emphatically replied that “we could be friends but, er, I’m a good catch. So…no.”

I guess he deserves points for being so brutally honest. But no, his offer is not good enough. Yes, I’d rather be “alone” or with my girlfriends or even my CAT than take him up on that. Yes, I am Tiffany, bitch. And I have the jewelry to remind him, should he need it.

And all you other ladies out there, YOU are Tiffany, too. Now go get yourself a blue box and never EVER leave your self-esteem at the door.”

(Note to the people of Tiffany: I welcome offers of free jewelry at any time.)

Tags: dating, divorce, single woman, Tiffany

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