I am very excited today to post this entry from a Very Good Friend of ours here at THTM.  She is a fabulous single, professional woman, fresh out of a divorce and ready to explore her new life.  However, she just got her first taste of dating as a more mature woman, and as she was regaling me with this story one night over drinks, I just knew I had to share with the

A Timeless Treat

class.  So I asked if she would put her story in writing, and lo and behold, I present to you…:

I’m Tiffany, Bitch

“The other day I did something I’d never done before. I went to Tiffany and bought a piece of silver jewelry. I’ve never been one to obsess over a brand name – I drive a practical car and don’t need to have Prada shoes. So the Tiffany purchase was a bit off-routine for me. But it had a great deal of purpose.

I recently passed the one-year anniversary of my divorce, and decided that it was time to stop hiding and start dating. A wise friend told me that as I start dating, I should keep in mind that I’m Tiffany – not Target.  This is true. Despite what many people (men) might think, I’m not desperate because I’m a divorced mom who’s over 40. I’ve come to terms with my life as it stands. And, while I’d much prefer to not be alone forever, I’d rather be alone than in the wrong situation. Which explains the Tiffany jewelry: I know I’m far more valuable than what some men might think.

Exhibit A: my first date since the divorce. He wasn’t at all what I’d typically identify as my ideal date. Not tall enough, old enough, funny enough, successful enough or confident enough. Never been married and no kids, so relating on that level would be tough. But hey – he came highly recommended and was different from anyone I’d dated before. So I thought – let’s give this a try.

He did all the right things leading up to the date. So I’ll admit I was pleasantly surprised and maybe a little bit hopeful as date-day approached. And as we sat down at the local bar for a couple of drinks and conversation, I was open to the idea that perhaps despite my preconceptions, there could potentially be something here.

UNTIL the date changed - over a span of ten minutes. In that time he…

Went outside and smoked a cigarette (though I’m a loud non-smoker)

Came back into the bar, grabbed me and stuck his (cigarette-tasting) tongue in my mouth.

Told me he wanted to see me naked.

Asked me what my expectations were.

And told me he wanted a “friends with benefits” relationship where he could get sex but walk away at any moment. (The plus: I could walk away whenever, too.)

“I’ve dated divorced women with kids before. I just don’t want you to expect anything from me.”

I threw my head back, hands on breasts, and said “Oh, you’re not going to see these.”

His head snapped back in shock. (And probably disappointment because yes, I’m stacked.)

After a pretty humorous conversation where I laughed heartily (though in a friendly way), he dutifully drove me home and asked me to re-consider his “offer.” I emphatically replied that “we could be friends but, er, I’m a good catch. So…no.”

I guess he deserves points for being so brutally honest. But no, his offer is not good enough. Yes, I’d rather be “alone” or with my girlfriends or even my CAT than take him up on that. Yes, I am Tiffany, bitch. And I have the jewelry to remind him, should he need it.

And all you other ladies out there, YOU are Tiffany, too. Now go get yourself a blue box and never EVER leave your self-esteem at the door.”

(Note to the people of Tiffany: I welcome offers of free jewelry at any time.)

At Eunice Kennedy Shriver’s memorial service last week, her daughter Maria gave the eulogy.  Standing side by side with her four brothers, Maria Shriver remembered their mother who died August 11 at the age of 88.

Eunice Kennedy Shriver was an ardent supporter of her brother, John F. Kennedy, and husband’s, Sargent Shriver political campaigns.  An tireless activist herself, Eunice Kennedy Shriver founded The Special Olympics in the 1960’s on behalf of her beloved sister, Rosemary.  All five of her children continued the family legacy of philanthropy, each starting, or working on behalf of separate non-profits organizations.  

Her six hour wake in Centerville, Mass, was attended by 1,000 guests, among them Oprah Winfrey, Vice President Joe Biden, Stevie Wonder and of course, Shriver’s husband, California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger.  Maria’s speech captured the essence of a woman who truly had it all: was a trailblazer for women, a voice on behalf of the unheard, and a working mom before it was considered normal for a woman to want to pursue interests outside the home.

“Vice President Biden, Governor Patrick, we want to thank all of you for coming here today to honor and celebrate the life of our mother.

Over the past few days, our mother has been called everything from a saint, to a pioneer, to a trailblazer, to a true original, to a civil rights advocate of legendary proportions, to a force of human nature who more than held her own in a family of highly competitive, high-achieving men. She was indeed a transformative figure.

“But to her five children — Mark, Bobby, Timmy, and Anthony — to all of us, she was simply, “Mummy.”

“Mummy was our hero. She was scary smart and not afraid to show it. She was tough, but also compassionate. Driven, but also really fun and funny. Competitive, but also empathetic. Restless and patient. Curious and prayerful.

“She liked to hang with the guys, but all her heroes — except for her brother Jack — were women.

Read the rest of the eulogy here.

This article, courtesy of The Frisky, was written by a woman who was dumped by her fiance and lived to tell the story.  I think her description of the emotional process that follows a major breakup is right on.  Mostly because it’s honest: she admits to pitstops in the ugly stages of grief and self-pity, (”Anything of a romantic nature in pop culture repulsed me, and for awhile all I watched was the news. It was depressing, just like me!“) but has now emerged on the other side; a little jaded, but not entirely bitter and without hope of future happiness.

However, she does think differently about the process of getting engaged, engagements and all the fuss about “putting a ring on it.”

“If anything, our engagement made our relationship less secure, because it brought out his fears and insecurities about what such a “permanent” commitment would mean. But even without an engagement, the longer our relationship had lasted, the greater the likelihood those fears and insecurities would have rise to the surface.”

She makes an excellent point.  As much as I enjoyed Beyonce strutting her stuff in a leotard, the premise suffers from a lot of loopholes.  Ladies, please be aware, an engagement ring secures nothing.  You are still susceptible to every relationship foible out there.  Plus, you’re adding the stress of the wedding planning and the realization that you’re about to make a huge commitment.  Not just to him, but his parents, friends, job, etc.  If you had any issues before (and most of us do), they will now be projected on to the giant mental screen in your head.  A ring won’t magically cure existing problems, and it doesn’t prove that a man you had some doubts about is going to suddenly morph into a good life partner.

To the contrary, if you and your man have a great relationship, you don’t need a ring to prove it.  If you’ve got an open line of communication and are on the same page as far as your mutual and individual goals, and share the same level of commitment to them, then you’re good!

And getting back to the author, she is fine.  Really.  She is not against marriage or family.  She might be a little more wary of them after her experience, but hey, who isn’t?  Our experiences are supposed to make us a little wiser, open our eyes just a little bit more and teach us something we didn’t know before.

The supposition that any woman who has gone through a broken engagement has been automatically converted into a preachy shrew needs to be tempered with a bit of reality.  Yes, it hurts.  Yes it makes us a little cuckoo for awhile, but it’s only temporary - ’till we get our bearings again and return to the living.

America, The Beautiful

I am love with the news this week.  This hasn’t happened in awhile, what with all the depressing reports on the state of the global economy, the climbing celebrity death count, and other, assorted, random acts of violence (guy opens fire in a 24hr Fitness???).  But, this week, we actually had some good news to counteract all the doom and gloom.  This week, the U.S retrieved two journalists from the grip of that Supreme Weirdo Kim Jong Il, and Sonia Sotomayor was confirmed as a United States Supreme Court Justice.

Euna Lee and Laura Ling (working on behalf of media company, Current TV) were arrested in March while reporting from the border between North Korea and China.  In June, they were sentenced to 12 years of hard labor on charges of entering the country illegally to conduct a smear campaign.

Detained in North Korea since March, they were given a nice surprise Tuesday, when they were told they were headed to a meeting and instead bumped into former President Bill Clinton in the hall.  (Even though I love and admire Bill for pulling this one off, I do wish it had been Hilary who swooped in to save the day.  But alas, I’m sure she was off fighting crime in another distant land.)  Bill must have promised Kim Chelsea’s first born, because the next thing you know the three of them are on a plane, flying back to Burbank, CA.

And, in equally, (if not more) exciting news, the U.S. Senate confirmed Judge Sonia Sotomayor to the Supreme Court.  Sotomayor, a 55-year-old federal appeals court judge, will be the 111th person to sit on the high court and the third female justice.  Not only is it awesome that we got another woman nominated to the bench, but she is a fellow Latina!  And not only she a Latina, but she is a Puerto Rican New Yorker. AND, she was raised by a single mom.  Seriously, my heart is about to burst with pride.  We don’t have a lot of role models (unless you count J.Lo and Rosie Perez) so to add this one to the mix is a real feather in our cap.

A Puerto Rican woman known for her brain and not her ass! Amen!

So hats off to everyone this week who made history happen.  It feels so nice to be proud of my country again. A big kiss to you, America! Mwah!