Wow.  What a week.

What started out as a run-of-the-mill busy week of professional obligations for me turned into a bizarre series of news “events,” stories of death, divorce and revolution.  At first, I felt merely like a witness to a string of unrelated events, but then I noticed a theme emerging, rather more than one, that struck me as particularly poignant.

Iran is upside down with political unrest, its citizen protesters gunned down indiscriminately by unnamed “security forces” after a questionable election process took place a few weeks ago.  Emerging from the otherwise sad story of yet another oppressive dictatorship, is the story of the Women of Iran, for the first time being recognized as a powerful group of resilient members of that society, no longer willing to let their husbands and sons die in silence.  Suffering for years at the hands of their own government, they are refusing to be shuffled off quietly now, despite horrific political and religious constraints.  The murder of Neda Agha-Soltani at the hands of her own government has resonated with the world, who is treating the 26 year old student as a martyr, even dubbing her a modern day Joan of Arc.  CNN has aired several interviews with other women in and around the area of Tehran begging for global assistance as they fight for what we consider basic human and civil rights.

On a completely different note, came the Monday announcement that celebreality couple Jon & Kate Gosselin have officially filed for divorce.  Not exactly a surprise to anyone who owns a television set, it still nonetheless felt like the final nail in the coffin after the slow death of what was once an ordinary marriage between a young and promising couple.

Kate Gosselin issued this statement: “Over the course of this weekend, Jon’s activities have left me no choice but to file legal procedures in order to protect myself and our children.”  Her husband Jon remained characteristically mum, glibly commenting that he’s sorry if his actions have hurt his family, but that he remains dedicated to the health, happiness and well-being of his children.

On Tuesday, the question of where missing South Carolina Governor Marc Sanford had been since Thursday was answered.  He is was in Buenos Aires, Argentina visiting his mistress.  His press conference revealed an ongoing relationship with a woman he insisted he met as a friend eight years ago and with whom he had no intention of developing a more intimate relationship with.  He acknowledged the pain and disappointment that he had caused, apologizing to his wife, lover, sons, extended family, friends and colleagues.  The news media speculated whether or not he and wife of 20 years, Jenny, would try and reconcile or if the marriage was doomed.  Additionally, there was the obvious question of whether or not he should resign from political office.  He has no intention to step down at this time, but his future political ambitions (he was considered a Republican front-runner for the 2012 presidential election) have surely been ruined.

Forced to issue her own statement regarding her husband’s behavior and the state of their marriage, Jenny Sanford said this:

“When I found out about my husband’s infidelity I worked immediately to first seek reconciliation through forgiveness, and then to work diligently to repair our marriage. We reached a point where I felt it was important to look my sons in the eyes and maintain my dignity, self-respect, and my basic sense of right and wrong. I therefore asked my husband to leave two weeks ago.”

“This trial separation was agreed to with the goal of ultimately strengthening our marriage. During this short separation it was agreed that Mark would not contact us. I kept this separation quiet out of respect of his public office and reputation, and in hopes of keeping our children from just this type of public exposure. Because of this separation, I did not know where he was in the past week.”

On Thursday, Farah Fawcett passed away after a 3 year battle with cancer.  Ms. Fawcett documented her illness in a documentary in the hopes of revealing one woman’s fight of, and for, her life.  While the news of her death was being by absorbed the public, pop icon Michael Jackson suffered an apparent heart attack in his Bel Air home, dying before reaching UCLA Medical Center.

My point in tying all of these events together is that in one week, so many lives have been turned upside down.  While we are going through our own busy work weeks, families have crumbled, careers been ruined and lives extinguished.  Despite the seeming randomness of these events, a few common themes have run throughout, not the least of which is that it’s been the women who have come out swinging.

Many of us have been in Jenny Sanford and Kate Gosselin’s shoes.  Not that our personal devastations have necessarily been played out on the world stage, but when it’s your own pain, it doesn’t matter if it’s televised.  Hurt is hurt and destruction is destruction.

On Monday night’s episode of Jon & Kate Plus 8, Kate said (and I am paraphrasing), that she doesn’t want to be alone, that she never intended to be raising a family without a partner.  But, she is not going to lie down and die.  If she “has to pull this ship on her own,” that’s what she’ll do.  I know audiences have had mixed reactions to her child-rearing skills and her seeming affection for the media, but this week (and for the past few weeks) I have only seen a woman who cries on camera, no longer seated next to her husband on the couch where they used to film their “confessionals” for the show.  I don’t care who you are - or who you think you are - divorce hurts and it hurts bad.  It remains to be seen how she’ll handle single life and single motherhood, but I have no doubt that she will live up to her promise and do whatever is within her power to give her kids a happy and balanced life.

While Gov. Sanford’s dalliance brings up the very recent memories of other transgressing politicians (John Ensign, Elliot Spitzer, and James McGreevey to name a few) professionally underminded by their personal  indiscretions, this one was a little different.  No, not because Sanford openly admitted his transgressions, or because he cried over how he’s disappointed his loved ones.  But because there was no stoic wife standing by his side as he addressed the cameras, no humiliated woman trying to hold her head up as she stood next to her apologetic, philandering husband.  What the future holds for the Sanford family remains to be seen.  But I will not pass judgement on whatever choices Jenny Sanford makes  because I am not in her shoes.  I do not have four young children at home and a marriage that I’ve worked 20 years on.  As of today, I applaud her for the actions she has taken thus far and hope that she continues to do whatever it is that she thinks is right for her and her boys.

Our fellow females have made me proud this week.  Neda’s death will not be in vain.  She can’t speak for herself or her countrymen anymore, but the women of Iran are doing it for her.  Loudly.  And without hesitation or self-righteousness.

I’m not saying that I count Kate Gosselin and Jenny Sanford among the oppressed revolutionaries, but I do see a thousand other women in their stories.  Women whose lives are not turning out the way they expected, and therefore are finding an inner strength and resolve with which to work through their transitions.  While she did not marry Ryan O’Neal and their only son remains in jail, Farrah proved her inner strength and resolve until the end, sharing with others the deeply personal part of life that is death.

I am proud of all these women -placed in situations outside of their control, they have demonstrated strength and a steely resolve to do what needs to be done.  Neda and Farrah ultimately succumed to their battles, but their fight will continue to be held up as examples for other women.  How the other women’s stories play out remains to be seen, but they have already impressed me with their actions.  Based on my own experiences, I know that whatever path they choose won’t be easy - but it’s not impossible.  And they will prove that.

Since our (previously mentioned) Forums coup is still raging, I thought I would introduce the latest member of That Happened to Me here, and use this opportunity to share her story.  She needs help.  She is not suddenly single, but in the midst of what sounds like a post-breakup identity crisis - a phase all too familiar to those of us who exited unhealthy relationships and began the path to self-discovery and re-definition.  Defining who you are when you are no longer part of a couple can be confusing and disheartening, as it often doesn’t happen overnight and certainly not without asking some tough questions.  But it can also be exhilarating and empowering when your true self starts to emerge and new path starts to unfold.  So ladies, let’s show “Beezy” how it’s done:

“I cannot continue to live my life the way I have been.”

“When I was 17 and about to graduate high school, I met a guy. We were together for a little more than four years, but the relationship was tumultuous (to say the least). He started relationships with several females while we were together, and had sex with three of them. Instead of leaving, I stayed because he convinced me that he would change. By the time I finally ended it I was 23 and had completely lost who I was as a person. I had gone from high school to house wife, and never really learned to grow up and take care of myself. I moved to another state to start school, and soon after found out he married my best friend. It has been four years since the relationship ended- I have not been in a relationship or had sex since, and I have only kissed three men. I try to talk to men, but I quickly lose interest and stop talking to them before anything can get physical. What started out as a voluntary hiatus from the dating world has turned into a permanent complex. I don’t know where to start or how to move forward. I get very uncomfortable meeting men and the few I have were forced upon me by friends who thought they were helping.

What advice do you have for me?”

Our Forums page seems to be staging a coup. We are working on it. Thanks for your patience.

Think back to when you felt happiest in your life.  Now try and remember when you felt the least happy.  It shouldn’t be difficult considering what most of us have had to endure this past year and a half.  Times have been tough all over and if you haven’t lost your job, you might have lost your house.  If you didn’t lose your house, your friend might be hanging on to hers.  You might have a parent struggling with the recent Medicare restructuring.  Whatever the woe, chances are, you’re feeling the strain.

A recent New York Times article suggests that we feel most miserable when we think the proverbial axe might fall – not when we know for sure it’s coming down.  When we feel that doom is looming we tend succumb most to stresses and frustrations.  The power of “what if,” usurps the power of “right now.”

This makes sense to me.  In relationships, it’s often that stomach-churning few weeks or months when we sense our partner pulling away – or maybe it’s you that’s doing the pulling – that is almost worse than the actual, inevitable breakup.  At the office – as I’m sure countless people can attest to these days – it’s the hovering cloud of disaster that makes each day stretch out endlessly.  Will it happen today? Will I lose my job?  What will I do?  How can this happen to me?  I am certain that I’ll end up cold, alone and homeless eating out the dumpster….. And so on.

In fact, when we actually receive bad news, we deal with it. Ta da! It’s here and it’s not going away.  So we ruminate, make some tough decisions and then come up with a plan.  It’s not easy.  It’s not fun.  But it gets done.

So consider this the next time you find yourself in a constant state of anxiety.  Are you worrying yourself sick over the possibility of what’s to come?  Are you ruining the now with your fear of the future?  If so, come up with your own Plan B – your go-to guide for when the bad news hits.  If your biggest fear is that you’ll lose your job in the coming weeks or months, start saving your money and emailing those former co-workers.  Get out and network a little more than you normally would.  Lay groundwork so that if you get caught in the storm, at least you’ll be wearing boots.

The same goes for your personal relationships.  If your sensing something is off with your partner or loved one, get your ducks in a row before making any dramatic proclamations.  Think about the terms of the deal – while you have a chance to do so privately, in your own head.   This way, you can sort out your feelings and tackle some practical issues before it becomes a real-life, two-way conversation. 

It’s been a while, but I remember using this plan of attack when I was in college and feeling overwhelmed was a daily occurrence.  While other kids were busy throwing up in the bushes after a long night of partying, I worried about keeping my scholarship, and prayed continuously that my Ford Escort would make it through the end of the month.  While falling in to bed at 2am, I would think, “what if I fail tomorrow’s final?”  “What if my car dies and I can’t drive to work? Then, what?”  I could see my whole life unfolding into a series of failed attempts, missed opportunities, dead ends.  A little dramatic? Ok, sue me. 

But how many of us do that now?  Let a bump in the road become a cavernous ditch?  My younger self would come up with little disaster action plans – Who could I carpool with?  How could I ask the teacher for some make-up work?  Maybe I could send out just one more resume…..

These little late-night musings helped.  Sure it kept me up an extra hour, but when you’re obsessing over failure, an hour is merely a blip on the insomnia screen.   In the morning, things would look brighter because at least I HAD A PLAN.  Ultimately, I never needed to put my whole plan into action all at once, but I definitely borrowed from it here and there.  When I felt I was heading off course,  I’d just pop on a training wheel and keep on pedaling.

If you have found yourself in a constant state of worry about either a) or b), see if you can give yourself a boost by imagining the worst.  That’s right, go ahead.  Imagine your worst case scenario, lay it out before you and attempt to solve it before it ever even happens.  There’s a saying, “what you fear, will appear.”  So what if we negate the fear by confronting it head on.  By coming up with a solution before the problem truly exists, you’re effectively cutting it off at the knees.  We can’t control what happens to us, but with a little foresight we can control our reaction to it.  It’s a win/win.

As you guys know, I am the LA Chapter president of SingleWomenRule.com.  What that means exactly, is that I host events for single women professionals in the area.  Tuesday was our launch event and I could not be happier with the way things went.  I invited a bunch of women who I had “met” previously through various channels - some at networking events, and some online - and invited them out to meet, share ideas and generally commiserate about what it’s like to be a working women in this town.  We not only found we had lots in common, but we were psyched to discover we all had complimentary interests and resources despite diverse professional backgrounds.  But most importantly, we were all willing to share our ideas and information.  Exactly the kind of environment I was hoping to create. 

After about 2 1/2 hours, the restaurant wanted to close, so we packed it up and promised to do it again next month.  I am so excited that I am already planning it.  So to those of you who came - thank you for driving out and making room in your busy schedules - and for those of you who couldn’t make it, we will see you next time.  There’s always room at the table at Single Women Rule.