Patti Stanger's New Book, "Become Your Own Matchmaker"

I don’t know how many of you are fans of Bravo’s Millionaire Matchmaker, but I’ve been watching since it debuted last year and I have to say, I’m hooked.  I don’t always agree with what she’s saying, but I have to admit I find Patti Stanger hilarious.  And more often than not, right, about how men view women and vice/versa.  So, it was with great curiosity that I wandered over to her book signing event this weekend at the Barnes and Noble at The Grove in Los Angeles to see what more she had to say about Mars, Venus, and this crazy thing we call love.   

(Note to B&N management: please make better signage so folks can actually find the author event in your three-story store).

After arriving about a half hour late and  blaming it on the traffic (which I’m sure was the God’s honest truth as it can take a half hour to go three blocks in this town during rush hour), Patti was still a high-energy and fully engaged hostess, prying questions out of the shy singles in the audience.  It was nice to see her interact “en vivo” as there is always loads of backstory to a person that’s never revealed in a weekly reality show.

I learned that Patti’s own romantic history is all over the map.  From single to engaged to single again, and now in a LTR with Mr. Good Guy.  She’s 47 (she looks great!) and isn’t afraid to announce it in this age-obsessed town, which I give her props for.  It also means that the treads are worn down on her tires a bit, so she knows from what she speaks.  She claims to have mastered the execution of matchmaking via her own grandiose missteps, which boosts her steet cred.  Despite being a matchmaker for years (first for other companies, and now running the super-successful Millionaire’s Club) she’s finally learned to take her own advice.

Here’s where it gets good; I bring you dating advice from the horse’s mouth:

1.  Men fall in love between their eyes, women between their ears.  Men look at us and fall in love with our beauty, our image.  Women like to be talked to, listened to.  We will fall for the guy that can do this the best.  Or at all.

2.  Most people reveal their true selves within the first three months of a relationship.  We  choose to ignore what we see/hear or think we can change it.  Listen to what he is saying, if it doesn’t match what you are looking for, call it quits.

3.  The majority of bachelors are Virgos.  Ladies, if you’re man is a Virgo, he’s gonna be a tough one to wrangle. And even if you do, you might be sorry.  (Patti is very into astrology and claims to be psychic.  She predicted that John Mayer was going to take Jen Aniston to the Oscars and then kick her to the curb.  How this applies to your life, I’m not sure, but keep in mind the info about Virgos).

4.  File under a big duh: Los Angeles is THE. WORST. PLACE. TO. DATE.  However, if you are trying to find love there, she mentions some alternatives: a quick trip up to Silicon Valley might just do the trick.  “Ever see a cute female programmer? “  The answer is no.  Get thee up to SV where the guys are hankering for a girl who shaves her ‘pits.  Also noted: the Van Nuys Airport is a great place to meet men.  Rich guys getting off their private planes.  Doesn’t need a whole lot of explanation.

5.  Eat out alone.  Dining alone in a fancy hotel no longer implies that you’re a prostititute.  Men feel much more comfortable approaching an interesting looking women sitting by herself as there is no chance of being shot down/made fun of by her bitchy friends.  (Yikes, do we really practice this form of group-sabotage?)  One night a week, go out by yourself for a nice dinner.  Bring a book so that you don’t have to stare at the wall and give him something to ask you about. 

6.  You won’t meet someone until you get happy.  Seriously.  If you are a mopey mess, you will be less attractive to a man than a sale at Bed, Bath & Beyond.  Get comfortable with yourself.  Laugh a little.  Have fun.  They will start showing up.  (I personally can attest to this - once you decide you’re cool on your own, it’s like a navy ship just docked in your front yard).  If you can’t do this on your own, get some therapy.

7.  Why Millionaires?  Patti insists it’s less about how much money is in their bank account and simply asserts it’s a quality of life issue.  A guy with money just sweetens the pot.  Life (and love) is hard enough; if you know that you’ll be able to afford a nanny and take a vacation here and there, you’re automatically eliminating a certain amount of stress.  Plus (if you’re the type that cares), it shows he’s got a certain level of ambition and a strong work ethic.  HOWEVER, she does not say that his net worth should preclude acceptance of any damning characteristics.  DO NOT OVERLOOK any deal-breaking traits just because he can buy you some Gucci shoes.  In this economy we ALL have to work. 

She railed on Rihanna, mentioned how much she loves the gays (she is starting to host events exclusively for the gay community) and introduced her SigOther, Andy.  I enjoyed this little chat with the self-proclaimed advice maven and even bought a copy of her book, ”Become You’re Own Matchmaker: Eight Easy Steps for Attracting Your Perfect Mate.”  

So my advice to you: buy the book and bring it to a steakhouse in Silicon Valley to read.  Alone.

You know how I told you last week that I was going to be featured on my friend Jill’s site www.TheDuchessGuide.com?  Well, she didn’t let me down.  But she also didn’t tell me how darn cute she’d be, making me sound like the Princess Diana of Los Angeles.   

We had dinner together last night, caught up on life and work, and I found out she is doing some awesome things with her site and writing for others as well.  A girl after my own heart!  So don’t forget to check out her site, where today you’ll find moi, and also www.singlemindedwomen.com, where she also contributes.

Viva la Duchess!

Juicy Update Alert:  Over at http://www.mscareergirl.com/ Ms. Career Girl has shared some very personal, but enlightening information regarding her ongoing breakup proceedings.  Turns out she and her ex had been cohabitating and now he won’t leave the apartment they shared AND refuses to pay the rent.  She left (so as to avoid living with someone she doesn’t like (duh)), and is now living on her own, but since her name is on the lease, she is still responsible for the rent because of a little something called Joint and Several Liability.  Ladies, pay attention because this could happen to you……

Writer Diane Mapes knows a lot about being single.  In fact, she just may be an expert.

 Her lastest article, The Gift of Being Single, for Singular Magazine chronicles her own experience going from anxious young divorcee to older, relaxed singleton.  I thought her story touched on a lot of good points - several that I could personally relate to being (fairly) young, but grown up enough for people to wonder (loudly) why I’m still single.

I loved this quote from a 36 year old art director:

“I’m not a fruit that has passed its sell-by date, and I’m not Bridget Jones,” she says. “I don’t hate kids, and I don’t think that married people are brainwashed sheep. I’m just enjoying my life and every good thing that comes my way.”

This is how I feel ALL THE TIME even though I’m sure most people don’t believe me.  What about you?  Do you think all your friends/coworkers/relatives secretly believe that you’re miserable?

*sigh*  That’s so 1998.

Okay, I know LuAnn de Lesseps is a Countess and not a Duchess, but since she’s made SUCH A BIG DEAL about how special a title is, I am just going to go with it. My good friend (and Original Duchess) Jill will be featuring me on her blog, www.theduchessguide.com next Friday, April 24, 2009 as ”featured friend.”  In her own version of Twitter’s #FollowFriday, Jill is featuring a new woman each week that she thinks embodies the duchess spirit.  I am very pleased and honored that she counts yours truly among them. 

So don’t forget to check it out next week.  Eh, don’t worry, I’ll remind you.