Thank you to Jill of the www.TheDuchessGuide.com , who sent us this lovely sentiment:

“I love your site!! What a wonderful idea and help to women. I thought the same thing when I went through my divorce, eight years together, still a young woman, no kids but a house full of things and a dog baby - there aren’t a lot of resources for our age and situation. I really appreciate what you’re doing and loved the interview.”

Jill’s also got her own blog, which you can find at:

www.duchessinc.wordpress.com.

So I’ve spent the past 48 hours thinking about what my “Thanksgiving Post” would be.  I thought of creating a list of what I was thankful for, but then, realized that that assumes any of you actually care.  You don’t need to know what I’m thankful for this year, you have to remember the things that you should be thankful for, even if you  feel like that includes exactly NOTHING (except for maybe, “I’m thankful I didn’t choose to vacation in Mumbai this year”).  

I don’t know each and every one of your situations’, but I can guarantee that there is at least one item to list on that blank piece of paper.  While I am acutely aware of the things I have going for me, it’s hard not to feel badly about what we might feel is lacking in our lives.  It’s easy to list things we want, things we are planning for in the future, and things that we are waiting for to magically happen.  But that wish list doesn’t help us navigate the right now, unless we take conscious steps each day to achieve those goals.  That’s something I am trying to learn how to do - I might not have everything in place in my life just yet - but my goal is to do one thing each day that pushes me towards my goals.   That’s how I stay motivated without beating myself up.  Rome wasn’t built in a day and I can’t expect my New Life to be, either.

So to those of you who sat alone, eating a frozen dinner and watching bad TV yesterday, here’s to you!  The good news is that you weren’t sitting next to someone you hated, and the even better news is that it’s already behind you.  You’re free to move on to bigger and better things.

Our Forums seem to be taking an early holiday, as they have not shown up for work today.  We are working on getting them back.  Thanks for your patience.

I am so pleased to feature a guest blogger today.  Ms.FloridaTransplant has been gracious enough to share with us her feelings about divorce and starting life anew.  I am sure many of us can relate to the rollercoaster of feelings and emotions she explored and continues to explore as she makes her way through her new life as just a girl and her dogs. 

“Let’s get this out in the open – I married young to the man I planned to grow old with.  He did some horrible things that landed him in the “bastard” category.  My heart was broken in a way no one should experience.  A stranger within me emerged, engulfed in self-pity and weakness.  I experienced anger, confusion, denial, and spent most of my time feeling as though I was completely alone. 

Accepting that my marriage was destroyed was difficult.  The emotional investment one makes in a marriage is huge.  I felt as though I had failed myself, our families, & God.  I was embarrassed to tell people I was getting divorced.  Up until he told me he was leaving, I thought we would grow old together. I wondered whose eyes our children would have and what sports they would play. I daydreamed about what a great father he would be. 

I went through the “what if” and “why me” phases.  And boy did I fight the grieving process!  I tried to face the emotions I was experiencing head-on, but I saw no progress.  This caused frustration because I knew I needed “TIME” to heal, but I longed to be able to stop feeling pain. I wanted to get through one day at work without tearing up at my desk.  I wanted to sleep through an entire night without dreaming about the events that had taken place.  I wanted to go through the grieving process without taking frequent steps backwards. 

A turning point occurred when I went snorkeling one afternoon.  The ocean was choppy and despite my best efforts to swim forward, the waves continually pushed me back toward the boat.  I got frustrated.  I was tired of fighting the waves without making any progress.  As my goggles filled with tears of frustration (or was it salt water?), I saw a large school of fish at the bottom of the sea.  They were simply relaxing and letting the current move them around. They swayed back and forth with the ocean rather than fighting it. 

I realized that fighting the grieving process was only causing me to have more negative feelings. It was counter-productive and making me feel worse about myself because with every weak moment, I felt like I “lost” a battle.   I then relaxed my body and only swam when the rhythm of the ocean allowed me to make progress.  I felt at peace for the first time since my husband had left me. I could relax and enjoy the sights beneath me. I was in control of where I went, but I let the ocean determine how quickly I would get there. I stopped fighting what I couldn’t control.  
 
I applied this “life lesson” to the grieving process. Six months later, I am still trying to navigate the “moving on” phase of my divorce…except it’s a hell of a lot harder than the self-help books describe!  I can put on a façade each day in order to appear as though I’m moving on successfully, but truly healing is a completely different story.  I know I must heal before I can effectively move on and live my life to its fullest potential, but how is this done? 

I feel alone.  Friends and family try to support me, but they don’t understand the anxiety, gut-wrenching pain, and unending tears I’ve been through.  I need a new plan, new dreams, and new things to look forward to each day. I need to learn to be comfortable being alone. I need to find who I am without him. I need to embrace God’s plan for me. 

Sometimes life’s biggest disappointments turn out to be some of the best things that will ever happen to you.  A lot of it is about perspective.  The ball is in my court – I’m going to embrace this opportunity to learn about myself and become a stronger woman.”

I am so appreciative of Ms. Florida’s blog, that I wrote a guest blog for her website, expressing many of the same emotions.  You can read it, and follow Ms. Florida by going to her site:

http://www.floridatransplant.blogspot.com/

Here’s what I managed to do today:

1. Eat three fun-sized Snickers bars. In a row.
2. Drink wine in the afternoon (as a compliment to the candy, natch).
3. Decline to watch Brad Pitt on Oprah. I really don’t need to hear about his perfect life, his perfect wife, their perfect children and saving the world.  The more I think about it, the more I think I’m on Team Aniston.
4. Clean out my wallet.
5. Prep for my mini-facial and neck massage tonight. (I’m not sure what prepping entails beyond staring into space and thinking, “gee I can’t wait to get my facial and massage tonight.”).
6. Order a Clinique free-gift-with-purchase from nordstrom.com. This involves a complimentary bag of makeup goodies from LA designer Trina Turk. Can’t wait.
6b. Not fill my shopping cart up with other goodies, showing an enormous amount of restraint.
7. Wonder why the Taco truck outside thinks lunch starts at 10:30am and blows horn accordingly.
8. Successfully face my fear of computer programming without breaking the Internet.
9. Not have one single mean thought, except towards my computer. I might have told Windows Vista that I hated it. A little.
10. Decide to buy all my holiday gifts this year from small businesses and/or cooperatives. Fair trade all the way!

Never take a Wednesday for granted.